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Old 3 Apr 2013, 11:06 AM   #841
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Howdy, howdy folks,

Been a long time since last I visited this place ... happen to be looking for something on the net about Video Stuff and link took me here ... Hope Ya'll are doing Fine ... Admin and all the Old Regulars ...

And a little Dry Texan Humor ...

You know you're from Texas when...

You have 5 pairs of boots and they all serve different purposes.
1) Work boots
2) Rodeo boots
3) Dress boots
4) Casual boots
5) Huntin’ boots

G!
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Old 3 Apr 2013, 11:07 AM   #842
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They Come in All Sizes

A guy walking his Doberman Pinscher says to a guy walking his Chihuahua, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.”

The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “Just follow my lead.” They walk over to the restaurant, and the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and starts to walk in.

A guy at the door says, “Sorry, sir, no pets allowed.”

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, “You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The host says, “In that case, come on in.”

The other guy says to himself, “What the heck,” puts on a pair of dark glasses, and starts to walk in.

The host says, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”

“You don’t understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.”

The host says, “A Chihuahua?”

Thinking quickly, the guy responds, “You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?!”.
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Old 31 May 2013, 01:24 PM   #843
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really funny thanks for posting
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Old 18 Feb 2014, 03:17 PM   #844
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Buried In The Holy Land

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance".

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Old 18 Feb 2014, 03:21 PM   #845
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FBI Work

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"

"Hello, is this FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.

The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

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Old 27 Mar 2016, 02:47 AM   #846
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"Of all the blonde jokes, this one has to be one of the best -- because it makes football make sense!

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"
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Old 29 Mar 2016, 05:59 PM   #847
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Smile jokes here

yo momma's so fat, i took a picture of her last christmas and it's still printing.
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Old 13 May 2016, 10:58 PM   #848
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2 tomatoes go down the street, one gets run by a car, the other one says "ketchup, get up"
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Old 20 Jun 2016, 08:02 PM   #849
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Santa- Look a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I made.

Banta- Whom should I call now Police or Ambulance?
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Old 14 Sep 2016, 03:44 PM   #850
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Here's one... it's not really a joke as it is a lame pickup line.

Here goes nothing.

Guy: Oh miss, you dropped something...
Girl: What?
Guy: Your standards. Hi I'm ...

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Old 5 Jan 2017, 12:41 AM   #851
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It is lame...
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Old 8 Jan 2017, 07:42 AM   #852
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Thoughts.

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
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Old 12 Jan 2017, 06:11 AM   #853
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USER
{noun} (you-sir)

The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot".


Thank you,
Anita Price
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