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  • The Edge
    Digital Video Expert
    Digital Video Expert
    • Jan 2003
    • 610

    Todays Joke

    The Monk

    A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car.

    As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

    The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

    The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "All right, all right. I'm *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"

    The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk." The man sets about his task.

    Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."
    The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound."

    The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door." The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Real funny, may I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

    Behind that door is *another* door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst...

    Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."

    The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

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    But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk!!!
    "…I know the industry is formally opposed to that kind of thing [bootlegging] but I'm not. I don't have a problem with it at all." -- Paul McGuiness"
  • hacker_on_fire
    Digital Video Expert
    Digital Video Expert
    • Mar 2002
    • 517

    #2
    I must be really stupid cos i dont get the joke

    I think i need some sleep .............
    MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

    How 2 post questions correctly
    Look here before posting questions

    Comment

    • Deus
      Super Member
      Super Member
      • Nov 2001
      • 284

      #3
      Wow that joke is evil..... ill have to remember it

      Comment

      • gd_nimrod
        Moderator
        • Nov 2002
        • 1128

        #4
        Re: Todays Joke

        Originally posted by The Edge
        ...But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk!!!
        ...Yes i am...
        Did you know you can SEARCH the forum? Fixes common problems too:
        http://forum.digital-digest.com/search.php

        Also search on the whole Digital-Digest website:
        http://www.digital-digest.com/search.html

        Comment

        • Enchanter
          Old member
          • Feb 2002
          • 5417

          #5
          Memorandum

          MEMORANDUM

          TO: ALL STAFF
          FROM: CHIEF EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
          DATE: 25TH MARCH, 1998
          SUBJECT: EARLY RETIREMENT

          Due to the current financial situation and probably future mergers, management has decided to implement a scheme to put all workers over the age of 35 on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retired Aged Personnel Early).

          Persons selected to be raped can apply to Management to be eligible for the SHAFT Scheme (Special Help After Retirement Scheme). Person’s situation that have been RAPED or SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW Scheme (Scheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice, and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

          Persons who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependant or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

          Persons staying on will receive as much $HIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself for the amount of $HIT it gives the employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough $HIT, please bring it to the attention of your Superior. He has been trained to give you all the $HIT you can handle.
          Last edited by Enchanter; 7 Apr 2004, 05:21 PM.

          Comment

          • Enchanter
            Old member
            • Feb 2002
            • 5417

            #6
            Physics Revisited

            Gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.


            You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.


            When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbitting.


            The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.


            The moon is more useful than the sun, because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the sun shines during the day when you don't need it.


            To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.


            Isn't it meaningless to speak of a 45 degrees angle unless you specify Fahrenheit or Celcius?


            An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
            An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.


            For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.


            Doppler effect is the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.


            Lenz's Law: Everything you start works against you
            Last edited by Enchanter; 7 Apr 2004, 05:17 PM.

            Comment

            • Batman
              Lord of Digital Video
              Lord of Digital Video
              • Jan 2002
              • 2317

              #7
              The MEMORANDUM is hilarious .

              I heard the monk joke some time ago, so perhaps that's why I didn't get much of a laugh.

              Originally posted by gd_nimrod
              ...Yes i am...
              ...not after your operation. Sorry I'm just in a silly mood.
              Last edited by Batman; 9 Jun 2003, 11:19 PM.

              Comment

              • gd_nimrod
                Moderator
                • Nov 2002
                • 1128

                #8
                Re: A joke on Physics

                Originally posted by Enchanter
                Physics Revisited

                For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.



                Man, i gotta tell that one to some of my professors
                Did you know you can SEARCH the forum? Fixes common problems too:
                http://forum.digital-digest.com/search.php

                Also search on the whole Digital-Digest website:
                http://www.digital-digest.com/search.html

                Comment

                • hacker_on_fire
                  Digital Video Expert
                  Digital Video Expert
                  • Mar 2002
                  • 517

                  #9
                  I like both jokes, espicially the "Physics Revisited" since i do physics.

                  For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
                  This comes from Newton III - "The Force A on B is equal and oppositeto hte force B on A" just for those interested.
                  MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

                  How 2 post questions correctly
                  Look here before posting questions

                  Comment

                  • Livewire
                    Member
                    Member
                    • Jun 2003
                    • 56

                    #10
                    Simple Thoughts
                    1: Some people are like slinkies, not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
                    2: Heath nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
                    3: Men say, the first thing they notice about women is her eyes when the first thing women say about men is they're a bunch of liers.
                    4: All of us can take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
                    5: Have you noticed, a slight increase in tax costs you two hundred dollars more, while a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
                    6: In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozak to make it normal.
                    7: How is it that one simple careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire?
                    8: Most terrorists came to Canada legally, but they hung around on these expired visa's, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now comparing to Blockbuster, your two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Why isn't Blockbuster in charge of immigration?

                    Food for thought.
                    Government throws more money at a problem, so it looks like they are making a difference.

                    Comment

                    • MPS
                      Digital Video Enthusiast
                      Digital Video Enthusiast
                      • Mar 2003
                      • 358

                      #11
                      lol

                      here are some AntiMicro$oft's

                      WHY WINDOWS?
                      You can press 'OK' before the crash!

                      SPEEDING KILLS, USE WINDOWS!

                      Windoze Lite: Any Windoze app. that takes up less than 1 Meg of HD space.

                      If at first you don't succeed, call it Windows NT.

                      Microsoft: Where do you want to go today?
                      Linux: Been there, done that.

                      "The POP3 server service depends on the SMTP server service, which failed to start because of the following error: The operation completed successfully." - Windows NT Server v3.51

                      When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*" - Linus Torvalds

                      "Who needs horror movies when we have Microsoft?" - Christine Comaford, PC Week, 27/9/95

                      Micro$oft: A bunch of mindless, Pepsi-drinking jerks who price-gouge totalitarian governments, and who will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. - Mark Stapleton in alt.sysadmin.recovery.

                      The answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. Just reinstall windows and try again, sir.

                      In the beginning there was darkness on the computer world, and the darkness was without form and void. And Gates said "let there be light", and there was a general protection fault.

                      Comment

                      • BoF
                        Moderator
                        • Nov 2001
                        • 954

                        #12
                        Originally posted by MPS
                        In the beginning there was darkness on the computer world, and the darkness was without form and void. And Gates said "let there be light", and there was a general protection fault.
                        now we can say The Light is blue.
                        [www.scandiumrecords.com][Logan dataspirit]

                        Comment

                        • Batman
                          Lord of Digital Video
                          Lord of Digital Video
                          • Jan 2002
                          • 2317

                          #13
                          Instead of starting a new thread, I might as well add to this one:

                          The following link contains transcripts of (hilarious) electronic conversation between George Bush and Kim Jong Il. Sometimes you just have to talk to the enemy

                          Comment

                          • admin
                            Administrator
                            • Nov 2001
                            • 8917

                            #14
                            There is another way to fight back against spam scams :



                            Visit Digital Digest and dvdloc8.com, My Blog

                            Comment

                            • MPS
                              Digital Video Enthusiast
                              Digital Video Enthusiast
                              • Mar 2003
                              • 358

                              #15
                              lol admin

                              Comment

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