JOKES!!! - Post funny **clean** jokes here

[atifsh]

One of the clerks passed out

i hate this ending line lol

thats one evil fun dude, hope that guy doesnt exist anywhere. but im sure their are many likes him..

[PurpleDemon]

but im sure their are many likes him.

He is now my mentor.

[dr_ml422]

Where have all the midgets gone too? I used to see lots of them back in the daze. I heard there was some kind of midget town/community on some small piece of land somewhere. Maybe the town's so small you pass right by it at a blink of the eye. Oh well, they told me not to sweat the small stuff.

[PurpleDemon]

> One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
>
> I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a
> gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
>
> Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought
> Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of
> tea
> and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
>
> My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of
> tea,
> because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough,
> here
> I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink
> it up.
>
> Then she says, (as only a mother would know..
>
> 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water
> is
> the toilet?

[dr_ml422]

You have a unlimited supply of good ones burrell. I will post some when my memory of them comes back. It's been a while since I sit around and share jokes w/friends/family.

[blennox]

im trying to burn Davinci Code, but its too big, even when re-authored, any ideas?

[PurpleDemon]

How to clean the house

1. Create a new folder in your PC .

2. Name it 'Housework.'

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

5.. Your PC will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?'

6. Calmly answer, 'Yes' and press mouse button firmly ....

7. Feel better?

[dr_ml422]

im trying to burn Davinci Code, but its too big, even when re-authored, any ideas?

Good one blennox, and also burrell. I thought the Davinci Code post was spam until it hit me. Lol...

[PurpleDemon]

Husband Down

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wall-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser andputs it in their cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans, he replies.

"Put them back we can't afford them,' demeands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'It is my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price...'

Then over the PA system: "Clean up on aisle 25, we have a husband down..."

[PurpleDemon]

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies


1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup or brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila


Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,
check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl.


Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point
it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another
cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup
of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner.


If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry
it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves
a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.


Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

Cherry Mistmas !

[PurpleDemon]

Dogs are really your best friend.

Try this for proof.

Lock your spouse and your dog in the trunk of your car for 1 hour.

When you open your trunk; Who is happy to see you?

[dr_ml422]

If any make it out alive, I guess it would be the Dog. I kinda like something that takes orders after proper training. Dogs will do it a life time. Wives will wake up one day, and your so called hard earned assets are toast. Yes, it's cheaper $$$ wise to keep them, but the misery costs way too much.

Ask Tiger.

[PurpleDemon]

T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator.

When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,

"T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied,

"S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated,

"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered,

"S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly,

"T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,

"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank God, It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered,

"'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday'-- duuhhh.

[dr_ml422]

This was good. Poor blondes been getting shafted since the beginning.

[oposky2006]

they are really funny, sorry i havent one at once