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I'm new here so I hope this is the place to post this-Just a service I do on another forum:
Waiting:
Ownage:69/10
Some great ownage on people who are bitches to the waiters. Quite disgusting in fact.
Intensity: 69/0
Just not an intense movie, but no fault there.
Acting:69/10
Really no *BAD* acting, but there was certainly no Oscars in this one.
Ladies: 69/10
Some hot ladies in this one, also some extremely unnecessary frontal male and female nudity that was somewhat unsettling.
All in All: 69/10
I like Ryan Reynolds, he played the same character that he did in Van Wilder, but he is funny and lovable and was the best part of the movie. Dane Cook was good, Andy Milonakis sucked as usual, had its funny moments and was worth and hour and a half of my time.
Recommend?: Yes.
Heat: Awesome movie, I loved it. You can't go wrong with Deniro, Pachino, Tom Sizemore, and Val Kilmer. Great storyline, great acting, awesome shootouts. Everything you need from an 80s movie. I would definitely recommend this.
Lucky Number Slevin: It was ok. I heard it was alot better than it was. Acting was decent, I don't really like Bruce Willis though, I could have cast someone better. The storyline was a bit weak, I expected Usual Suspects and didn't get it. It had some good stuff though, I would recommend it. I will probably buy it, but it wasn't as great as I heard.
Inside Man:
Pwnage:8/10
Very sexy Italian Job/Usual Suspects ending, where you go "Ohhhh, that's how they did it." Clive Owen is obviously a raw ultra classy mother****er and it is beautiful to watch him work. Denzel still has the ticking time bomb/totally in control look down.
Intensity: 6/10
More intense at the beginning and a felt somewhat of a fizzle near the end, but it was good most of the way.
Acting: 9/10
Clive Owen is obviously a raw ultra classy mother****er and it is beautiful to watch him work. Denzel still has the ticking time bomb/totally in control look down.
Ladies: 5/10
Jodie Foster isn't hot but she did some good acting and was in control the whole time, which is sexy? Maybe? I don't know.
All in All: 9/10
While I don't like Spike Lee as a person, I see he can pull out a good flick when he tries. It definitely had the Spike feel to it, with the kidnapper's methods of confusing the hostages and running them up a tree and back down in order to make sure they couldn't identify the robbers, racist undertones and funny outbursts to lighten the mood.
Recommend?: Yes. Clive Owen is damn good like usual, and who can deny Denzel? Great intense acting team. The story wasn't great, but Spike gave Denzel and Clive plenty of time to excell at acting and they did a fine job of it.
V for Vendetta:
Pwnage:10/10
Not as many fight scenes as you would expect, but the ones that were there and the explosions easily made up for it.
Intensity: 10/10
Very intense, great story kept you with it.
Acting:8/10
Hugo Weaving was great, so were Natalie Portman and Stephen Rea.
Ladies: 7/10
Natalie Portman was smokin before she had to part with her hair.
All in All: 9/10
****ing epic. I mean, this was some good ****. So good, that I am looking for a Guy Fawkes mask on eBay right now for some sick memorabilia. The ending was great, really inspiring and for some, while not life CHANGING, it could alter your perspective on your existance. Really raises a debate on whether freedom or safety is what we want in our lives.
Recommend?: Yes. Go see this bitch, and for gods sake, enjoy it.
Waiting:
Pwnage:10/10
Some great pwnage on people who are bitches to the waiters. Quite disgusting in fact.
Intensity: 0/0
Just not an intense movie, but no fault there.
Acting:7/10
Really no *BAD* acting, but there was certainly
Ladies: 10/10
Some hot ladies in this one, also some extremely unnecessary frontal male and female nudity that was somewhat unsettling.
All in All: 8/10
I like Ryan Reynolds, he played the same character that he did in Van Wilder, but he is funny and lovable and was the best part of the movie. Dane Cook was good, Andy Milonakis sucked as usual, had its funny moments and was worth and hour and a half of my time.
Recommend?: Yes.
Traffic
Pwnage:7/10
Some pwnage in a torture scene and some assassinations but it wasn't as graphic as I expected.
Intensity: 9/10
Very intense, makes you feel for the characters.
Acting:9/10
Great acting. Del Toro is grade A in this.
Ladies: 5/10
I don't really like the chick who played Michael Douglas' daughter.
All in All: 8/10
Recommend?: Yes. However, it wasn't as epic as I expected. No mouth hanging open at the ending like in Requiem or American History X.
Anger Management: Not great. Jack Nicholson was great as usual, he really looked like he was into the movie, but Sandler has just gotten more and more suck. Some of his lines were good, but especially the lines where he would just put in random outburts about how crazy/old Jack Nicholson was were quite stupid. It was meh in general.
Running Scared:
Pwnage:10/10
First shootout gives it an automatic 10/10 with some close range shotgun fun. More shootouts and action scenes throughout the movie certify complete domination in the ownage department.
Intensity: 10/10
Very intense. Every time you think they are in the clear some crazy subplot puts someone in danger again. Watch for the pervert subplot which was wierd, random, but good at the same time.
Acting:7/10
I hate that damn fat kid, don't know where else he has starred but I hate the bastard. Paul Walker did a good job but he didnt have to do too much acting in this one. Still I saw no big problems with actors.
Ladies: 10/10
Paul Walker getting his mack on. Heard rumors he is gay? Didn't seem to show in this movie.
All in All: 8/10
I loved the gritty style of the cinematography and editing. The whole film was very visceral and in your face which I liked. Great plot twists and subplots that kept the film rolling. Only qualm was the half assed ending. I hate it when movies like this turn out all good in the end.
Recommend?: Yes. Definitely go see this one, I know that I am buying it.
Ong Bak: The Thai Film Editing Disaster
Pwnage:10/10
The fight scenes were GREAT. Tony Jaa had amazing stunts. However the ****ty film editing ****ED the movie for me. I do not exagerrate(sp?) here, they did an slo mo instant reply (sometimes 2) from a different angle EVERY ****ING TIME Tony Jaa did an impressive stunt. It got to be a highlight reel, where I was dreading the instant reply, like please dont not replay this, ****.
Intensity: 6/10
Thai is one god damn phrenetic language. Everytime they would freak out or get pissed, it would just be them yelling similar syllables again and again.
Acting:4/10
Ehhh. If you can call Tony Jaa's stunts acting then thats about all this movie had going for it.
Ladies: 0/10
**** that.
All in All: 5/10
Would have been 10/10 if the film editors didnt ****ing SUCK.
Recommend?: No, but I am thinking about capturing it and editing out every slomo replay, then I would recommend it.
Final Destination 3
Pwnage:8/10
People get ****ed up in this movie. Watch for a nailgun and an engine block fan to the dome. Not as good as the first 2 though.
Intensity: 8/10
I found this more intense than the first 2 because the deaths were more mainstream, like things people do, ie: roller coasters, subway, tanning, etc.
Acting:10/10
The acting is unnecessary in Final Destination movies so I just give it a full score.
Ladies: 10/10
Nice nude seen in the tanning bed. A+ on the ladies.
All in All: 6/10
The first 2 were better but it was entertaining and a good way to spend 2 hrs.
Recommend?: Yes.
Glory Road:
Pwnage:3/10
Not much in this department. I will say for my sake this movie wasnt my choice.
Intensity: 7/10
Some cool basketball games, but basketball is gay.
Acting: 7/10
Impressive I had no problems with the actors.
Ladies:0/10
Nuff said.
All in All:6/10
Ok message, but basketball is lame. See remember the titans for the same message without the basketball.
Recommend?: Ehhh. See this if you are boring.
Four Brothers:
Pwnage:6/10
Good shoot out scene but otherwise it was boring and unoriginal. Every time Wahlberg wanted to torture someone he just poured gas on them and said, "Ill light it bitch!! Ill light it!!"
Intensity: 5/10
Boring and took forever to climax.
Acting: 1/10
If you like seeing Mark Wahlberg pretending to be black, go see this movie. And Andre 3000? Kill this casting directer please.
Ladies:7/10
There were some hot black and mexican chicks, I will give it that.
All in All:3/10
After 2 hrs of Mark W. going, "I will pop you cuz!" We get to the conclusion, and the bad guys die such ****TY deaths. (spoilers here) The main bad guy gets beat up (not even brutally) by Mark W. and thrown in a whole in the ice to freeze to death. Wa wa wa. Look I am so cold. ****ing gay. The other guy gets shot. Get some ****ing good deaths! I wanted to see that mother ****er get his balls ripped off and be torn to pieces by wild dogs. He killed his mom and his brother for christ sakes. GET SOME GOOD VICIOUS MURDER!!!
Recommend?: No. Don't waste your time seeing this ****. Get a good movie instead.
My thoughts on King Kong:
More ****ing T-Rexes and insect fighting!! When King Kong had all of those god damn love scenes with Anne I was thinking one of 2 things:
1. That he would just start ****ing her and explode her with his enormous monkey dick.
2. That when he was holding her in his hand he would just squeeze and explode her head.
Those 2 things would have made the move: A) Shorter, B) Funnier, C) More gory. All of those are great things. Back the the TRexes. Why did they tranq some of those god damn trexes so that King Kong could fight them in New York? **** the airplanes!! Peter Jackson dragged that **** out WAY too long. He could have made an hour long movie consisting of natives getting killed, King Kong fighting T rexes, and the people getting killed by king kong and the insects. Finally, king kong could rip Naomi Watts' head off and eat her. 1 hour in and out. 3 hrs? **** that. *end rant*
Transporter 2:
Pwnage: 8/10:
If you love seeing dozens of minorities getting the **** kicked out of them-see this movie. People get razzaaaped the whole movie. PWNAGE. Look for the fire house scene.
Intensity: 8/10:
I was so pumped I punched my little brother in the face when i got home. Not really, but it is very fast and furious.
Acting: 6/10
Acting was dece, Jason statham was probably 8/10, but other actors didnt really put out. Look for pvt joker from full metal jacket in a lead role.
Ladies: 6/10
Ladies were ok in this movie, but the main "femme fatale" looked like Courtney Love teh Crack Whore, except with make up caked on her face instead of vomit.
All in All: 7/10
Recommend?: I would recommend this movie because of teh ownage factor. I love martial arts rape and jason statham put out against alot of victims.
Jarhead:
Pwnage: 6/10
Did a great job of portraying the Iraq war (P.1) like it really was, but that really isnt formula for an entertaining hollywood movie, so very little action.
Intensity: 6/10
Alot of intensity that seemed to build up to certain violence but only 2 people died in the ENTIRE movie.
Ladies: 0/10
Dont see this for the ladies, there is a some short sex scenes but dont be a prepubescent dork who sees movies for sex content, just get some porn.
Acting:15/10
Acting was amazing IMO Jake Gynlahdkslkdfj (whatever his name is) and Jamie Foxx both had great performances. Awesome and funny dialogue MADE THE MOVIE.
All in all7/10
Great movie but not very good for a war movie. Definitely would have been 10/10 if there had been at least 2 vicious war murdering scenes but did a great job of portraying the Iraq war in an nonhollywood light. So if you like violence in war movies dont see but if you want to see some quality acting/dialogue go watch.
The Producers:
No need for a long review. To sum this up- watch the original. It is 10x better than this one. This one was good but not as good, and doesnt deserve anything cuz all the funny parts came straight from the original. The musical angle they took with this sucked, but I can tell the actors had a great time. Will Ferrel and the guy from desperate housewives were hilarious. Very funny, but not as funny as the original.
Waiting:
Ownage:69/10
Some great ownage on people who are bitches to the waiters. Quite disgusting in fact.
Intensity: 69/0
Just not an intense movie, but no fault there.
Acting:69/10
Really no *BAD* acting, but there was certainly no Oscars in this one.
Ladies: 69/10
Some hot ladies in this one, also some extremely unnecessary frontal male and female nudity that was somewhat unsettling.
All in All: 69/10
I like Ryan Reynolds, he played the same character that he did in Van Wilder, but he is funny and lovable and was the best part of the movie. Dane Cook was good, Andy Milonakis sucked as usual, had its funny moments and was worth and hour and a half of my time.
Recommend?: Yes.
Heat: Awesome movie, I loved it. You can't go wrong with Deniro, Pachino, Tom Sizemore, and Val Kilmer. Great storyline, great acting, awesome shootouts. Everything you need from an 80s movie. I would definitely recommend this.
Lucky Number Slevin: It was ok. I heard it was alot better than it was. Acting was decent, I don't really like Bruce Willis though, I could have cast someone better. The storyline was a bit weak, I expected Usual Suspects and didn't get it. It had some good stuff though, I would recommend it. I will probably buy it, but it wasn't as great as I heard.
Inside Man:
Pwnage:8/10
Very sexy Italian Job/Usual Suspects ending, where you go "Ohhhh, that's how they did it." Clive Owen is obviously a raw ultra classy mother****er and it is beautiful to watch him work. Denzel still has the ticking time bomb/totally in control look down.
Intensity: 6/10
More intense at the beginning and a felt somewhat of a fizzle near the end, but it was good most of the way.
Acting: 9/10
Clive Owen is obviously a raw ultra classy mother****er and it is beautiful to watch him work. Denzel still has the ticking time bomb/totally in control look down.
Ladies: 5/10
Jodie Foster isn't hot but she did some good acting and was in control the whole time, which is sexy? Maybe? I don't know.
All in All: 9/10
While I don't like Spike Lee as a person, I see he can pull out a good flick when he tries. It definitely had the Spike feel to it, with the kidnapper's methods of confusing the hostages and running them up a tree and back down in order to make sure they couldn't identify the robbers, racist undertones and funny outbursts to lighten the mood.
Recommend?: Yes. Clive Owen is damn good like usual, and who can deny Denzel? Great intense acting team. The story wasn't great, but Spike gave Denzel and Clive plenty of time to excell at acting and they did a fine job of it.
V for Vendetta:
Pwnage:10/10
Not as many fight scenes as you would expect, but the ones that were there and the explosions easily made up for it.
Intensity: 10/10
Very intense, great story kept you with it.
Acting:8/10
Hugo Weaving was great, so were Natalie Portman and Stephen Rea.
Ladies: 7/10
Natalie Portman was smokin before she had to part with her hair.
All in All: 9/10
****ing epic. I mean, this was some good ****. So good, that I am looking for a Guy Fawkes mask on eBay right now for some sick memorabilia. The ending was great, really inspiring and for some, while not life CHANGING, it could alter your perspective on your existance. Really raises a debate on whether freedom or safety is what we want in our lives.
Recommend?: Yes. Go see this bitch, and for gods sake, enjoy it.
Waiting:
Pwnage:10/10
Some great pwnage on people who are bitches to the waiters. Quite disgusting in fact.
Intensity: 0/0
Just not an intense movie, but no fault there.
Acting:7/10
Really no *BAD* acting, but there was certainly
Ladies: 10/10
Some hot ladies in this one, also some extremely unnecessary frontal male and female nudity that was somewhat unsettling.
All in All: 8/10
I like Ryan Reynolds, he played the same character that he did in Van Wilder, but he is funny and lovable and was the best part of the movie. Dane Cook was good, Andy Milonakis sucked as usual, had its funny moments and was worth and hour and a half of my time.
Recommend?: Yes.
Traffic
Pwnage:7/10
Some pwnage in a torture scene and some assassinations but it wasn't as graphic as I expected.
Intensity: 9/10
Very intense, makes you feel for the characters.
Acting:9/10
Great acting. Del Toro is grade A in this.
Ladies: 5/10
I don't really like the chick who played Michael Douglas' daughter.
All in All: 8/10
Recommend?: Yes. However, it wasn't as epic as I expected. No mouth hanging open at the ending like in Requiem or American History X.
Anger Management: Not great. Jack Nicholson was great as usual, he really looked like he was into the movie, but Sandler has just gotten more and more suck. Some of his lines were good, but especially the lines where he would just put in random outburts about how crazy/old Jack Nicholson was were quite stupid. It was meh in general.
Running Scared:
Pwnage:10/10
First shootout gives it an automatic 10/10 with some close range shotgun fun. More shootouts and action scenes throughout the movie certify complete domination in the ownage department.
Intensity: 10/10
Very intense. Every time you think they are in the clear some crazy subplot puts someone in danger again. Watch for the pervert subplot which was wierd, random, but good at the same time.
Acting:7/10
I hate that damn fat kid, don't know where else he has starred but I hate the bastard. Paul Walker did a good job but he didnt have to do too much acting in this one. Still I saw no big problems with actors.
Ladies: 10/10
Paul Walker getting his mack on. Heard rumors he is gay? Didn't seem to show in this movie.
All in All: 8/10
I loved the gritty style of the cinematography and editing. The whole film was very visceral and in your face which I liked. Great plot twists and subplots that kept the film rolling. Only qualm was the half assed ending. I hate it when movies like this turn out all good in the end.
Recommend?: Yes. Definitely go see this one, I know that I am buying it.
Ong Bak: The Thai Film Editing Disaster
Pwnage:10/10
The fight scenes were GREAT. Tony Jaa had amazing stunts. However the ****ty film editing ****ED the movie for me. I do not exagerrate(sp?) here, they did an slo mo instant reply (sometimes 2) from a different angle EVERY ****ING TIME Tony Jaa did an impressive stunt. It got to be a highlight reel, where I was dreading the instant reply, like please dont not replay this, ****.
Intensity: 6/10
Thai is one god damn phrenetic language. Everytime they would freak out or get pissed, it would just be them yelling similar syllables again and again.
Acting:4/10
Ehhh. If you can call Tony Jaa's stunts acting then thats about all this movie had going for it.
Ladies: 0/10
**** that.
All in All: 5/10
Would have been 10/10 if the film editors didnt ****ing SUCK.
Recommend?: No, but I am thinking about capturing it and editing out every slomo replay, then I would recommend it.
Final Destination 3
Pwnage:8/10
People get ****ed up in this movie. Watch for a nailgun and an engine block fan to the dome. Not as good as the first 2 though.
Intensity: 8/10
I found this more intense than the first 2 because the deaths were more mainstream, like things people do, ie: roller coasters, subway, tanning, etc.
Acting:10/10
The acting is unnecessary in Final Destination movies so I just give it a full score.
Ladies: 10/10
Nice nude seen in the tanning bed. A+ on the ladies.
All in All: 6/10
The first 2 were better but it was entertaining and a good way to spend 2 hrs.
Recommend?: Yes.
Glory Road:
Pwnage:3/10
Not much in this department. I will say for my sake this movie wasnt my choice.
Intensity: 7/10
Some cool basketball games, but basketball is gay.
Acting: 7/10
Impressive I had no problems with the actors.
Ladies:0/10
Nuff said.
All in All:6/10
Ok message, but basketball is lame. See remember the titans for the same message without the basketball.
Recommend?: Ehhh. See this if you are boring.
Four Brothers:
Pwnage:6/10
Good shoot out scene but otherwise it was boring and unoriginal. Every time Wahlberg wanted to torture someone he just poured gas on them and said, "Ill light it bitch!! Ill light it!!"
Intensity: 5/10
Boring and took forever to climax.
Acting: 1/10
If you like seeing Mark Wahlberg pretending to be black, go see this movie. And Andre 3000? Kill this casting directer please.
Ladies:7/10
There were some hot black and mexican chicks, I will give it that.
All in All:3/10
After 2 hrs of Mark W. going, "I will pop you cuz!" We get to the conclusion, and the bad guys die such ****TY deaths. (spoilers here) The main bad guy gets beat up (not even brutally) by Mark W. and thrown in a whole in the ice to freeze to death. Wa wa wa. Look I am so cold. ****ing gay. The other guy gets shot. Get some ****ing good deaths! I wanted to see that mother ****er get his balls ripped off and be torn to pieces by wild dogs. He killed his mom and his brother for christ sakes. GET SOME GOOD VICIOUS MURDER!!!
Recommend?: No. Don't waste your time seeing this ****. Get a good movie instead.
My thoughts on King Kong:
More ****ing T-Rexes and insect fighting!! When King Kong had all of those god damn love scenes with Anne I was thinking one of 2 things:
1. That he would just start ****ing her and explode her with his enormous monkey dick.
2. That when he was holding her in his hand he would just squeeze and explode her head.
Those 2 things would have made the move: A) Shorter, B) Funnier, C) More gory. All of those are great things. Back the the TRexes. Why did they tranq some of those god damn trexes so that King Kong could fight them in New York? **** the airplanes!! Peter Jackson dragged that **** out WAY too long. He could have made an hour long movie consisting of natives getting killed, King Kong fighting T rexes, and the people getting killed by king kong and the insects. Finally, king kong could rip Naomi Watts' head off and eat her. 1 hour in and out. 3 hrs? **** that. *end rant*
Transporter 2:
Pwnage: 8/10:
If you love seeing dozens of minorities getting the **** kicked out of them-see this movie. People get razzaaaped the whole movie. PWNAGE. Look for the fire house scene.
Intensity: 8/10:
I was so pumped I punched my little brother in the face when i got home. Not really, but it is very fast and furious.
Acting: 6/10
Acting was dece, Jason statham was probably 8/10, but other actors didnt really put out. Look for pvt joker from full metal jacket in a lead role.
Ladies: 6/10
Ladies were ok in this movie, but the main "femme fatale" looked like Courtney Love teh Crack Whore, except with make up caked on her face instead of vomit.
All in All: 7/10
Recommend?: I would recommend this movie because of teh ownage factor. I love martial arts rape and jason statham put out against alot of victims.
Jarhead:
Pwnage: 6/10
Did a great job of portraying the Iraq war (P.1) like it really was, but that really isnt formula for an entertaining hollywood movie, so very little action.
Intensity: 6/10
Alot of intensity that seemed to build up to certain violence but only 2 people died in the ENTIRE movie.
Ladies: 0/10
Dont see this for the ladies, there is a some short sex scenes but dont be a prepubescent dork who sees movies for sex content, just get some porn.
Acting:15/10
Acting was amazing IMO Jake Gynlahdkslkdfj (whatever his name is) and Jamie Foxx both had great performances. Awesome and funny dialogue MADE THE MOVIE.
All in all7/10
Great movie but not very good for a war movie. Definitely would have been 10/10 if there had been at least 2 vicious war murdering scenes but did a great job of portraying the Iraq war in an nonhollywood light. So if you like violence in war movies dont see but if you want to see some quality acting/dialogue go watch.
The Producers:
No need for a long review. To sum this up- watch the original. It is 10x better than this one. This one was good but not as good, and doesnt deserve anything cuz all the funny parts came straight from the original. The musical angle they took with this sucked, but I can tell the actors had a great time. Will Ferrel and the guy from desperate housewives were hilarious. Very funny, but not as funny as the original.
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